By johninnc
From WIKIPEDIA: Mad Libs is a phrasal template word game where one player prompts others for a list of words to substitute for blanks in a story, before reading the – often comical or nonsensical – story aloud. The game is frequently played as a party game or as a pastime.
Calvinists, Lordship “Salvationists” and others who teach false gospels of works often do so by playing a game similar to Mad Libs, in which they implicitly change scripture to fit their false doctrine. Unfortunately, the result is never comical, even if it is nonsensical.
Following are some of clear verses regarding eternal life that must be ignored, or implicitly altered in order to fit various perversions of the gospel. I have provided some Mad Libs to exemplify the various errors.
John 3:16: For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.
Calvinist version: For God so loved those he had elected unto eternal life, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever He had chosen to believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.
Lordship “salvation” (LS) version: For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him, turns from his sin, and demonstrates such by his changed behavior, should not perish, but have everlasting life.
Arminian version: For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, unless he sins too much after believing, or quits believing, but have everlasting life, again conditioned upon him not losing it.
John 5:24: Verily, verily, I say unto you, He that heareth my word, and believeth on him that sent me, hath everlasting life, and shall not come into condemnation; but is passed from death unto life.
Calvinist/LS version: Verily, verily, I say unto you, He that heareth my word, and believeth on him that sent me, hath everlasting life, and shall not come into condemnation; but is passed from death unto life, provided he perseveres in faith and good works.
Arminian version: Verily, verily, I say unto you, He that heareth my word, and believeth on him that sent me, hath everlasting life, and shall not come into condemnation unless he backslides; but is passed from death unto life, but can be passed from life unto death again.
Acts 16:31: And they said, Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, and thou shalt be saved, and thy house.
LS version: And they said, Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, which includes turning from sin, counting the cost, and persevering, and thou shalt be saved, and thy house.
Romans 4:24-25: But for us also, to whom it shall be imputed, if we believe on him that raised up Jesus our Lord from the dead; Who was delivered for our offences, and was raised again for our justification.
Calvinist version: But for us also, to whom it shall be imputed, if God hath chosen us to believe on him that raised up Jesus our Lord from the dead; Who was delivered for our offences, and was raised again for our justification.
LS version: But for us also, to whom it shall be imputed, if we believe on him that raised up Jesus our Lord from the dead, turn from our sins, and faithfully serve God for the remainder of our lives; Who was delivered for our offences, and was raised again to assist in our justification.
Ephesians 1:13-14: In whom ye also trusted, after that ye heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation: in whom also after that ye believed, ye were sealed with that holy Spirit of promise, Which is the earnest of our inheritance until the redemption of the purchased possession, unto the praise of his glory.
Calvinist version: In whom ye also trusted, after that ye heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation, and God implanted you with belief: in whom also after that ye believed, ye were sealed with that holy Spirit of promise, Which is the earnest of our inheritance until the redemption of the purchased possession, unto the praise of his glory.
LS version: In whom ye also trusted, after that ye heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation: in whom also after that ye believed and had forsaken all of your sin and had decided to commit your life to following Jesus in obedience, ye were sealed with that holy Spirit of promise, Which is the earnest of our inheritance until the redemption of the purchased possession, unto the praise of his glory.
Arminian version: In whom ye also trusted, after that ye heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation: in whom also after that ye believed, ye were sealed with that holy Spirit of promise, unless or until ye become unsealed again, Which is the earnest of our inheritance until the redemption of the purchased possession, unto the praise of his glory.
Ephesians 2:8-9: For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God: Not of works, lest any man should boast.
Calvinist version: For by grace are ye saved through grace; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God: Ye have no responsibility upon hearing the gospel. If ye are going to believe, it is because God decided ye would. Not of works, lest any man should boast.
LS version: For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God: Not of works, lest any man should boast. However, if works fail to materialize, ye probably aren’t saved.
If you find all of the Mad Libs maddening, and would like to know the truth about how to have eternal life, please click here: THE GOSPEL
Notes From A Retired Preacher 
Holly, I have heard lots of variations of that one, but all along the same theme.
Chapters and verses added along with punctuation have created some problems. One mad lib I hear frequently is this:
Ye shall know whether one is a real believer by their fruits.
The Bible says:
Beware of false prophets, which come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ravening wolves. Ye shall know them by their fruits. Matt 7:15-16a
Holly, I wonder if they they think about that as well.
Johninnc
I wonder if they go to sleep at night really wondering if they are one of the ones that He has a ‘special’ love for…
Jason
They have no trouble with leaving ‘of all’ in, because they simply say it means all people groups, and then bring up other passages that use ‘all’ but only mean the people being spoken to and they say that all doesn’t really mean all. Surface arguments that are just a way of rejecting other Scripture that clearly demonstrate Christ died for not just us, but the whole world. That Christ bought even the false prophets who would deny Him. That He loved the rich young ruler that most of them recognize as a reprobate. They seem to love their twisted view of God and will cling to that. I hate how they characterize God.
Jason, I have seen some Calvinists that say while God loves all people, He has a “special love” for people He has chosen to believe.
How about omitting “of all”?
“But God demonstrates His own love toward only the elect people groups, in that while they were still sinners, Christ died just for them”
I have a theory that this is what the Calvinists at the top of the food chain truly believe. The rest of us are “children of a lesser god”, because they are Manicheans.
Fryingpan, nothing chips their china more than for us to say, all God asks us to do is believe on Him to save us.
BTW, made me laugh too.
Holly, very good addition to underscore the deception of Calvinism.
Calvinist version of Romans 5:6-8
For when the elect were still without strength, in due time Christ died for the ungodly elect. For scarcely for a righteous man will one die; yet perhaps for a good man someone would even dare to die. But God demonstrates His own love toward only the elect of all people groups, in that while they were still sinners, Christ died for just them.
Fryingpan, thanks for the context!
Well, thank you, johninnc, because I made it up. It was a throwaway line used in a stand-up bit I wrote about 9 years ago. I don’t even remember what the actual bit was about. That line was the clear highlight of the bit. Alliteration can be pretty hilarious when used effectively.
Maybe it will catch on now, LOL.
Fryingpan, I’m right there with you.
By the way, I love the “chips my china” euphemism – neither my wife nor I had ever heard it.
Nothing chips my china more than that stupid “mental assent” garbage.
Eesh. That one really takes the cake.
Holly, I have also been told that “we have it all wrong.” But, it’s not our word – it’s God’s word that so many have a problem with.
How can something be a gift of you have to give something up to receive it?
One of the commenters that I haven’t approved (more likely going to write an article on it) came it to talk about how we have it all wrong, and how it can’t simply be ;mental assent’.
He talked about ‘saving faith’ and not ‘mere head knowledge’.
He rambled about how believing is trusting Him for everything but you can’t even ‘enter in’ to discipleship until you’ve given up everything — so on and so forth.
The most shocking statement from him?
“The correct question that a person must ask for how to be saved is not “what must I DO to be saved”, but rather it is “what must a STOP doing to be saved?””
He doesn’t even realize he’s speaking directly against the Word.
I really would like to see the man face to face and ask him if he feels he has really surrendered ALL.
Doug, thanks for your comment.
You are right that the gospel is not to be compromised by anyone and that all false religions, including those claiming the name of Christ, offer no hope.
You don’t work for it you don’t earn it you don’t deserve it but that’s why Christ died for us because he knew we would have to be perfect and we’re not for God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son that who so ever believe in him should not Parrish but have everlasting life. Friend there’s no strings attached all you Gotta do is believe Plus nothing. For by grace are you saved through faith and that not of yourselves it is a gift of God not of works lest any man should boast. Ephesians 2:8-9 there’s another easy verse. So piper and MacArthur leave the gospel alone it wasn’t for you to touch. To all the religions out there you guys are living in a dreamworld Full of no promises. Here’s the coolest thing everybody’s going to die and everybody gets to choose their eternal destination whether in heaven or in hell the choice is yours only a fool would reject a free gift don’t be that fool trust Christ to get you to heaven and I guarantee your friend you’ll have the best peace of mind knowing that you’re going to go see Jesus Some day.
John 6:47, wow on the additions in the respect it just struck me again how they have no respect for rightly handling His Word. It always brings me back to thinking on Ps 94:4, the workers of iniquity boast in themselves.
Fryingpan – loved and laughed at your double entendre.
Johninnc – exactly, those are just difficult passages people don’t understand, and pastors and bad teachers distort.
John 6:47, that is great! It’s amazing how Satan twist what the bibles says. He did it to Eve, He did it to Jesus, He does it to the world, to try to keep them from believing the simple truth of the Gospel. Eternal Life is a free gift, no works involved, to those who put their trust in Jesus Christ’s finished work on the cross alone, to get them to heaven.
John 6:47, good additions!
Matthew 10:32-33 Whosoever therefore shall confess me before men, him will I confess also before my Father which is in heaven.
33 But whosoever shall deny me before men, him will I also deny before my Father which is in heaven.
Arminian version: Whosoever therefore shall confess me before men, him will I confess entrance into heaven before my Father which is in heaven.
33 But whosoever shall deny me before men, him will I also deny entrance into heaven before my Father which is in heaven.
Romans 4:5 But to him that worketh not, but believeth on him that justifieth the ungodly, his faith is counted for righteousness.
Loadship version: But to him that hath many works, and believeth on him that justifieth the ungodly (which includes turning from sin and making Christ the Lord of his life), his faith (validated by perseverance in faith and good works) is counted for righteousness.
Romans 5:1-2 Therefore being justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ:
2 By whom also we have access by faith into this grace wherein we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God.
Calvinist version: Therefore being justified by the faith that was given to the elect before the foundation of the world, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ if we persevere to the end:
2 By whom also we have access by grace into this faith wherein we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God that he chose to save the elect, though no one knows if they are the elect.
Jason, there are people of all kinds of stripes intent on taking away our civic freedoms.
Each group forms whatever affinity groups and coalitions it thinks will help achieve its goals (whether it’s secular SJWs, religious dominionists, or anyone else).
Meanwhile, we have an opportunity to advance the gospel unhindered – for now.
I give the word “Pinko” a new meaning: an intolerant, bigoted, fascist Calvinist
Jason, I like the term “Spurgeonians.”
The Radical Spurgeonians are worse than SJWs. The Christian “Right” wants normality on Mondays, lordship insanity on Sunday. Only free grace defends freedom 24/7.
fryingpan, well played!
Holly, it takes a lot of mental gymnastics to make “believe” equal to “plucking out your eye and cutting of your hand.”
Holly, maybe that should be the next sequel.
Inspired by Holly’s last comment, Part 4 in the series: BAD Libs
. . . Sorry, I TRY to keep my politics to myself but . . . See what I did there?
In all seriousness, someone brought a video of a pastor. First he used the plucking out your eye and cutting off your hand as an example. He then went to Matt 7, only citing vs.23 and referring to the wolves in sheep’s clothing as ‘false Christians’. He then went to Revelation 3:20 (Jesus knocking on the door of your heart).
Oh what bad memories the misuse of Scripture brings out.
And after Part 2 of Sad Libs, maybe you could remember how ‘radical’ they are, and do the Rad Libs with a list of things they do and do not do. 🙂
Fryingpan, that’s a good one!
Maybe that’s what we’ll call the sequel.
More like SAD Libs.
Thank you. I’ll be here all week . . .
Phil, I took the liberty just now of editing your original post to remove his name.
John, As I said on another topic mistakenly, I am not sure it was from JR Rice.
Phil, it is sad to see how many ways people can create false gospels. If they can’t twist scripture to find it, they will add or subtract from scripture.
I once read a tract that used Acts 16:31 and had the jailor at Phiippi. being instructed of the necessity to repent of his sins along with believing on the Lord Jesus Christ in order to be saved. Here’s an add on not found in the passage or anywhere else in Scripture.
John 6:47, I have heard that kind of misinterpretation almost word-for-Word.
Ephesians 2:10 For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus unto good works, which God hath before ordained that we should walk in them.
Loadship version: For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus unto good works, which God hath before ordained that we will and must walk in them, otherwise it proves you aren’t saved.
Chas and John 6:47 – Unfortunately, those were definitely how they twist these things.
John 6:47, that passage is really mangled by all of those groups. That’s a good rendition of their errors.
Here’s a passage frequently misquoted by those who don’t believe the Gospel of Grace from Matthew 7:21-23,
21 Not every one that saith unto me, Lord, Lord, shall enter into the kingdom of heaven; but he that doeth the will of my Father which is in heaven.
22 Many will say to me in that day, Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in thy name? and in thy name have cast out devils? and in thy name done many wonderful works?
23 And then will I profess unto them, I never knew you: depart from me, ye that work iniquity.
Loadship version: Not every one that saith unto me, Lord, Lord, shall enter into the kingdom of heaven; but he that doeth the will of my Father which is in heaven.
22 Many will say to me in that day, Lord, Lord, have we not trusted in you alone as Savior? and have you not promised to give eternal life to all who would simply trust in you? and did you not say that it is not of works, lest any man should boast?
23 And then will I profess unto them, I never knew you: depart from me, ye that work iniquity, for you always practiced sin and never had a changed life to prove that you’re really saved.
Calvinist version: Not every one that saith unto me, Lord, Lord, shall enter into the kingdom of heaven; but he that doeth the will of my Father which is in heaven.
22 Many will say to me in that day, Lord, Lord, have we not trusted in you alone as Savior? and did you not say whosoever will may come to you freely? and did you not say you want the whole world to be saved?
23 And then will I profess unto them, I never knew you: depart from me, ye that work iniquity, for you were not elected to salvation, therefore you could not enter into the kingdom of heaven, even if you wanted to
Arminian version: Not every one that saith unto me, Lord, Lord, shall enter into the kingdom of heaven; but he that doeth the will of my Father which is in heaven.
22 Many will say to me in that day, Lord, Lord, have we not trusted in you alone as Savior? and have you not promised to give eternal life to all who would simply trust in you? and did you not say that you would never lose a single person that trusted in you as Savior?
23 And then will I profess unto them, I used to know you, but you sinned too much and stopped believing in me: depart from me, ye that work iniquity.
Chas, that is an accurate depiction of these false doctrines.
Examine yourselves, whether ye be in the works; prove your own selves. Know ye not your own selves, how that Jesus Christ is in you, except ye be without sufficient works?
LS/Calvinist/Arminian Scholar of the Day.
Holly, these are all good adds!
Here’s one they love to twist and lift out of context from 2 Cor 13:5
Examine yourselves, whether ye be in the faith; prove your own selves. Know ye not your own selves, how that Jesus Christ is in you, except ye be reprobates?
Calvinism:
Examine yourselves, whether ye be in the faith until the end, otherwise you are a reprobate.
Loadship:
Examine yourselves, whether ye be in truly saved…
Arminian:
Examine yourselves, whether ye be in the faith enduring until the end.
Or:
Thou believest that there is one God; thou doest well: the devils also believe, and tremble. James 2:19
Calvinism:
The demons mentally assent and tremble.
Loadship:
The demons are just like you, they have a fake head faith.
Arminian:
You just want to live like the devil.
Johninnc, had to chuckle at the last one:
“However, if works fail to materialize, ye probably aren’t saved.”
Here’s another one:
….except ye repent, ye shall all likewise perish (From Luke 13:3,5)
Since they all have similar thoughts, these could likely apply to all three false doctrines.
…except ye repent and keep on repenting, ye shall all likewise perish
…except ye turn from sin, ye shall all likewise perish
….except ye continue to seek after holiness, ye shall all likewise perish
John 6:47, very good examples of Calvinist and Arminian error.
John 6:47 Verily, verily, I say unto you, He that believeth on me hath everlasting life.
Calvinist version: Verily, verily, I say unto you, He that was chosen to believeth on me hath everlasting life, and such is evidenced by perseverance to the end.
Arminian version: Verily, verily, I say unto you, He that believeth on me hath everlasting life, unless he sins too much after believing.
John 10:28-29 And I give unto them eternal life; and they shall never perish, neither shall any man pluck them out of my hand.
29 My Father, which gave them me, is greater than all; and no man is able to pluck them out of my Father’s hand.
Arminian version: And I give unto them eternal life; and they shall certainly perish if they fail to live a holy life, neither shall any man pluck them out of my hand, unless you pluck yourself out.
29 My Father, which gave them me, is greater than all; and no man is able to pluck them out of my Father’s hand, unless you choose to pluck yourself out.
LD, it is sad. We need to put on the full armor of God!
It is truly saddening. Hope everyone is spiritually growing stronger in the Lord. Let us keep running the race in faith!
Jason, good add!
Revelation 21:8. Funky Fake Pastors version. “But the church avoiders, and the tithe withholders, and the skimpily dressed, and the casual, and the critics, and the blackmailers, and whosoever disobeys the general overseer, shall have their part in the lake that burneth with fire and brimstone, which is the second death, even if he hath believed on the Son of God.
Marti0, I’m glad you found the article to be helpful.
I could have gone on and on with it.
fryingpan, thanks for your encouragement!
very well said…and precisely why the Church is in such a mess…THANKYOU!
Wow, this is GREAT!
Praise God that you continue to be inspired to come up with news posts like this to keep this blog fresh, johninnc! Thank you for your diligence, vigilance and . . . er . . . perseverance! (Sorry, couldn’t resist.)
Dvh, welcome and thanks for your comment.
Well said!